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Tiki Central Forums » » Bilge » » Jokes (some good, some stupid)
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Jokes (some good, some stupid)
alohabros
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 04, 2004
Posts: 533
From: westernus
Posted: 2005-10-28 11:41 am   Permalink

... the taco bell chihuahua, a doberman and a bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female collie comes up to them and says, "whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

so the doberman says, "i love liver and cheese." the collie says, "that's not good enough."

the bulldog says, "i hate liver and cheese." she says, "that's not creative."

finally, with his mexican accent, the chihuahua says, "liver alone......cheese mine."...


 
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RevBambooBen
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Nov 12, 2002
Posts: 7911
From: Huntikington Beach
Posted: 2005-11-01 08:43 am   Permalink

turn you'r speakers up then click on the link below and look at it for 1 minute.

<http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/zoeken.html>

or copy and paste it!

ughh! it didn't work.

[ This Message was edited by: RevBambooBen 2005-11-01 08:44 ]

[ This Message was edited by: RevBambooBen 2005-11-01 08:45 ]


 
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The Sperm Whale
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Aug 23, 2004
Posts: 1553
From: Lakewood California
Posted: 2005-11-01 08:52 am   Permalink

[quote]
On 2005-11-01 08:43, RevBambooBen wrote:
turn you'r speakers up then click on the link below and look at it for 1 minute.

<http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/zoeken.html>

or copy and paste it!

ughh! it didn't work.

Now that's Funny!!! Heh hehehehe
_________________
EEEEeeeeeeAAAAaaaaaaOOOOooooooWWWWWwwwwWWWw


 
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alohabros
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 04, 2004
Posts: 533
From: westernus
Posted: 2005-11-01 10:31 am   Permalink

... a young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. he was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.

the problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. a tiny fart escaped.

"spot!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.

relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "spot!" she called out sharply. "i've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. one more and i'll feel fine. so he let loose a really big one.

"spot!" shrieked the mother. "get over here before he shits on you!"


 
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alohabros
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 04, 2004
Posts: 533
From: westernus
Posted: 2005-11-01 10:36 am   Permalink

... a butcher is busy at work when notices a dog in his shop. he shoos the dog away. later, he notices the dog is back again. he walks over to the dog, and notices that the dog has a note in his mouth. the butcher takes the note which reads, "can i have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

the butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. so the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.

the butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. so, off he goes. the dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. they do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. the dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. the butcher is in awe at this stage. the dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

along comes a bus. the dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. another bus comes. again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. the butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

the bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, stands on his hind legs and pushes the button to stop the bus. the dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, with the butcher still following. they walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. he walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. he goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again! there's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. he gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. he walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. the butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

the butcher runs up and stops the guy. "what the heck are you doing? this dog is a genius. he could be on tv, for god's sake!"

"clever, my ass," the guy responds, "this is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"


 
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RevBambooBen
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Nov 12, 2002
Posts: 7911
From: Huntikington Beach
Posted: 2005-11-01 11:44 pm   Permalink

Aloha Bro-

I want your Job!!


 
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tikitortured
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 08, 2004
Posts: 332
From: Huntington Beach Ca.
Posted: 2005-11-01 11:48 pm   Permalink

What's the hardest part about roller blading?

Telling your dad you're GAY!!
(not that there's anything wrong with it)


 
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JimTandem
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Jan 02, 2005
Posts: 102
From: Ontario, Ca.
Posted: 2005-11-03 3:05 pm   Permalink

Whats the only fast food restaurant at the north pole?

Brrrrrrrger King


 
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alohabros
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 04, 2004
Posts: 533
From: westernus
Posted: 2005-11-03 4:29 pm   Permalink

Quote:

On 2005-11-01 23:44, RevBambooBen wrote:
Aloha Bro-

I want your Job!!



... what? workin' a ranch in carrizozo, oi vey... plus cleaning the basaltic lava flows after the research teams leave is fully bogus...they are pigs...


 
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alohabros
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 04, 2004
Posts: 533
From: westernus
Posted: 2005-11-03 4:56 pm   Permalink

... by the way...

two republicans were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.

it showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "i'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first republican. "bet you $10 he won't," said the second republican. "your on!", he says.

then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.

the second republican hands the first republican the money. "i can't take your money," said the first republican. "i cheated you. the same story was on the five o'clock news."

"no, no. take it," said the second reublican. "i saw the five o'clock news too. i just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"...


 
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freddiefreelance
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 15, 2003
Posts: 3006
From: San Diego, Ca.
Posted: 2005-11-03 6:14 pm   Permalink


_________________
Rev. Dr. Frederick J. Freelance, Ph.D., Th.D., D.F.S


 
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tikitortured
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 08, 2004
Posts: 332
From: Huntington Beach Ca.
Posted: 2005-11-03 10:05 pm   Permalink

Hey Alohabro, here's a stupid joke for you: LIBERALS, Ha Ha...

They're funny when they're OUT of power, they're scary when they're IN power.

Liberals should make ice cream and music...NOT policy.

Maybe Moveon.org would be a more appropriate forum for your stupid jokes, huh? Otherwise I got a million Democrat "jokes" I can lay on you, bring it on.


 
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tikitortured
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Apr 08, 2004
Posts: 332
From: Huntington Beach Ca.
Posted: 2005-11-03 10:08 pm   Permalink

A drunken Senator drives off a bridge...

 
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alohabros
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 04, 2004
Posts: 533
From: westernus
Posted: 2005-11-04 10:34 am   Permalink

Quote:

On 2005-11-03 22:05, tikitortured wrote:

...ice cream and music...




... ice cream is delicious... all kids should get the chance to make some in those old fashioned ice cream buckets with the hand crank...

... most music is good... creating, playing & recording music is fun...

... if that is your point tortured, then common ground is secured & plentiful... dream big...


 
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alohabros
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Feb 04, 2004
Posts: 533
From: westernus
Posted: 2005-11-04 11:03 am   Permalink

... by the way...

... bill gates and the president of general motors have met for lunch, and bill is going on and on about computer technology. "if automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a v-32 instead of a v-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour," says gates. "or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. in either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. why haven't you guys kept up?"
the president of gm smiles and says, "because the federal government won't let us build cars that crash four times a day."


 
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